I know I don’t normally post on Sunday’s but I wanted to wish you all a wonderful Mother’s Day (today or tomorrow) and share a little of my personal story…..
Until 9 years ago Mother’s Day was a bittersweet time for me (it still is in some ways), I would spend the morning in church celebrating Mother’s and the afternoons crying softly, grieving the child I wanted so dearly but which seemed so out of reach. My story isn’t unique or special, I share my grief and heartbreak with so many women who have all struggled with what should be natural and simple. I have fertility “issues” (I don’t consider myself infertile, I just have issues), I suffer from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and I was told when I was sixteen that I would never have children.
When I married my husband at the age of twenty I wanted to know more, I wanted reasons, explanations and mostly I wanted hope. Just a little glimmer of hope that maybe we could be a family. So for six long years we tried…after lots of procedures, tests, drugs and needles and more tears than I can count, along came our girl…our Rena. She was perfect and beautiful and more than I could ever have hoped for. She makes our world sparkle.
Becoming a Mum has been one of the hardest struggles of my life but the moment I met my daughter I knew that I had found my purpose in this world…every tear shed, all the heartache, pain and disappointment was worth it to meet her and get to know this amazing little person who makes this world more beautiful just by existing.
I never imagined the world could contain a love like this, a Mother’s Love is like no other; it is fierce and powerful and endless. My love for her knows no bounds.
I now face “secondary” infertility and this time it is harder, taking longer (We have been trying 8 years now), nothing seems to work and everyday makes me older. The hardest parts are the people who say “at least you have your daughter”, “you should be grateful”, “oh well, you can’t complain”. I am beyond grateful for what I have. I fought for that little girl so I know how incredible she is, but regardless of my love for her and the incredible miracle she is, I WANT MORE! Yes, I dare to say it and be so incredibly selfish, but I want more children, I am not done and my desire to have more does not for one second diminish the gratefulness and love I feel for Rena.
I know I am not alone in this, I know that there are so many other women who struggle like I do, and as women it is one of the worst things we have to endure. Becoming a Mother is our birthright, it should be simple and easy, but for so many of us it is not. Mother’s Day for me means more than flowers, chocolate, breakfast in bed and being spoilt (though I do love it). It is a reminder of the miracle that is life, of the things we should never take for granted and just how incredible it is to be a woman.
We waited and prayed a long time for Rena and while it was hard all those years I know now that it takes time to create perfection…and in my eyes she is just that….I love my little girl and I love that God gave me the privilege of being her Mum…she is my greatest gift and everything else pales in comparison.
I pray you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day and I send out a special prayer for those Mum’s who are still waiting to have their little bundles of perfection created…I know your heartache, I understand your pain and I pray that one day soon your child is sleeping soundly in your arms.
A little gift from my heart to yours……
FREE PRINTABLE DOWNLOAD HERE – Proverbs 31: 25
I also wanted to let you know I am taking a short, unexpected, break from the blog. My camera is in for surgery and I cannot do what I do without my camera! So I am taking the next couple of weeks off (hopefully no longer but I will let you know if I have to!). Until then……..