A Mother’s Day Prayer & A Gift

I know I don’t normally post on Sunday’s but I wanted to wish you all a wonderful Mother’s Day (today or tomorrow) and share a little of my personal story…..

Mothers Heart

Until 9 years ago Mother’s Day was a bittersweet time for me (it still is in some ways), I would spend the morning in church celebrating Mother’s and the afternoons crying softly, grieving the child I wanted so dearly but which seemed so out of reach. My story isn’t unique or special, I share my grief and heartbreak with so many women who have all struggled with what should be natural and simple. I have fertility “issues” (I don’t consider myself infertile, I just have issues), I suffer from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and I was told when I was sixteen that I would never have children.

When I married my husband at the age of twenty I wanted to know more, I wanted reasons, explanations and mostly I wanted hope. Just a little glimmer of hope that maybe we could be a family. So for six long years we tried…after lots of procedures, tests, drugs and needles and more tears than I can count, along came our girl…our Rena. She was perfect and beautiful and more than I could ever have hoped for. She makes our world sparkle.

Becoming a Mum has been one of the hardest struggles of my life but the moment I met my daughter I knew that I had found my purpose in this world…every tear shed, all the heartache, pain and disappointment was worth it to meet her and get to know this amazing little person who makes this world more beautiful just by existing.

I never imagined the world could contain a love like this, a Mother’s Love is like no other; it is fierce and powerful and endless. My love for her knows no bounds.

I now face “secondary” infertility and this time it is harder, taking longer (We have been trying 8 years now), nothing seems to work and everyday makes me older. The hardest parts are the people who say “at least you have your daughter”, “you should be grateful”, “oh well, you can’t complain”. I am beyond grateful for what I have. I fought for that little girl so I know how incredible she is, but regardless of my love for her and the incredible miracle she is, I WANT MORE! Yes, I dare to say it and be so incredibly selfish, but I want more children, I am not done and my desire to have more does not for one second diminish the gratefulness and love I feel for Rena.

It

I know I am not alone in this, I know that there are so many other women who struggle like I do, and as women it is one of the worst things  we have to endure. Becoming a Mother is our birthright, it should be simple and easy, but for so many of us it is not. Mother’s Day for me means more than flowers, chocolate, breakfast in bed and being spoilt (though I do love it). It is a reminder of the miracle that is life, of the things we should never take for granted and just how incredible it is to be a woman.

We waited and prayed a long time for Rena and while it was hard all those years I know now that it takes time to create perfection…and in my eyes she is just that….I love my little girl and I love that God gave me the privilege of being her Mum…she is my greatest gift and everything else pales in comparison.

I pray you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day and I send out a special prayer for those Mum’s who are still waiting to have their little bundles of perfection created…I know your heartache, I understand your pain and I pray that one day soon your child is sleeping soundly in your arms.

A little gift from my heart to yours……

Proverbs 31v25

FREE PRINTABLE DOWNLOAD HERE – Proverbs 31: 25

I also wanted to let you know I am taking a short, unexpected, break from the blog. My camera is in for surgery and I cannot do what I do without my camera! So I am taking the next couple of weeks off (hopefully no longer but I will let you know if I have to!). Until then……..

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  • Melanie Bice - October 21, 2016 - 8:04 am

    I am wondering if you would mind me printing your proverbs quote out, framing it and selling it a my friend’s breast cancer fundraiser for hospital bills?ReplyCancel

    • Gilly - October 21, 2016 - 11:13 am

      Hi Melanie, feel free to use it for such a great cause. Thanks GillyReplyCancel

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  • Jane - May 11, 2015 - 12:53 am

    I am VERY sorry for your pain. Being a Mother is what I’ve always wanted to be. I know I would feel the same way. People do say the dumbest things sometime. My first son was stillborn. I heard the stupidest stuff (You can have another, you never really had him anyway, other people just lost their house in a hurricane. ‘What? I’d rather my house than my child!’). I’ve heard stillborn referred to as an invisible death. It really is, for so many people, even close relatives, he never existed. The comments really hurt, eventually I learned to ignore the words and try to give them credit for trying to say something they thought would help. Time has helped. Your situation is different, it’s ongoing. It’s not wanting to give up on something you want so badly. I have been blessed with several healthy children and am SO Thankful. I will add my prayers to yours, that your ache for another child is fulfilled. May God Bless you.

    (P.S. I love your work. There are a lot blogs but you are one of the most talented. Your architects table is my FAVORITE!)ReplyCancel

    • Gilly - May 12, 2015 - 11:14 am

      Thanks Jane, people can be so insensitive. Your story is heartbreaking, I cannot imagine your loss it is something my worst nightmares are made of. So happy that you have your family now, though that little one is definitely part of it. I always find it so uplifting when someone like you shares with me that from their heartache came joy. Blessings xoReplyCancel

  • Tayrina - May 10, 2015 - 12:30 pm

    You are not alone on this! I’m also struggling with that. I had in the last three years 2 spontaneous abortion. The desire of being a mom is there, but I’m waiting on the Lord. Blessings. Enjoy tomorrow with your family.

    W/Love,
    Tayrina from TGAWritesReplyCancel

    • Gilly - May 12, 2015 - 11:20 am

      Thanks Tayrina, it is definitely nice to know I am not alone, even though I hate that anyone has to go through this. I cannot imagine your heartache, I will send out a prayer for you, I hope you have an answer to your prayers soon. xo BlessingsReplyCancel

  • Sally - May 10, 2015 - 12:20 pm

    Gilly,

    I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but I did want you to know I finally had my first baby boy at 37! There is plenty of love in our hearts to love more than one child, I think your heart grow bigger and stronger with love. Happy Mother’s Day!ReplyCancel

    • Gilly - May 12, 2015 - 11:25 am

      Thanks Sally! That is so wonderful, I have this thing with my age being a barrier….that I am just too old to get pregnant again but you never know what can happen! I just figure if it is meant to happen it will and if not I have the family I am meant to have and I am blessed in that. BLessings xoReplyCancel

  • Darrielle Tennenbaum - May 10, 2015 - 9:02 am

    Happy Mothers Day to you too! I to have had major struggles and tried for years to get pregnant and finally had a daughter too. We tried for many years after and I heard the same things and wanted more too. I am now 46 and have given up on another child and am happy and grateful for my daughter and my husband. I am with you in spirt as you go though all this!ReplyCancel

    • Gilly - May 10, 2015 - 9:43 am

      Thank you so much for your kind words Darrielle. I love that you stop by here and comment. It is also nice knowing we are “infertility” sisters, I always draw strength from knowing I am not alone because only someone who has been through this truly knows what it is like and how it feels. I am 36 now and I have to say I am coming to that point for me where I know I will have to make the heartbreaking decision to stop, but I cannot be ungrateful for what I have as many women never get to be Mother’s. I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day with your daughter. xoReplyCancel

      • Darrielle Tennenbaum - May 10, 2015 - 12:15 pm

        Happy Mothers Day! I wish you the best with the continued tries for another baby-it is worth the work and effort I think. 8 rounds of IVF and I would do it again in a heart beat for another child!ReplyCancel

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